Gnar Couch Useless, but entertaining. Sat, 01 May 2021 22:29:02 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Gnar Couch 32 32 170889269 Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 29 – Tom Brooks (Canfield) Sat, 01 May 2021 22:26:57 +0000 This week’s podcast was a reverse milestone as the boys relied on actual bike content and decreased dick jokes by 69% to make Incident 29 almost listenable.

Canfield’s Tom Brooks dropped by after standing the Gnardcast up last week, a painful reminder of high school for everyone except Bobston Ross, who most likely went to prom with three girls and a pocket full of ecstasy. Tom made the switch from BMX to MTB about a year ago and has already dropped some sick edits and clips. Along with Canfield, he rides for Archer Components, EXT Suspension, Lemon Tree, Zoic, 15/7, and Gripit Gloves. He and the boys discuss the differences between BMX and MTB riders, and come up with a world-first trick for Sponch and Cheef to try on a tandem bike.

Cheef admits he likes the butt rock band Buckcherry. The boys make fun of MTB and #vanlife influencers who start every video with, “Hey guys!” The looner culture makes its return to the podcast as Sponch talks about his experience in a looner Facebook group.  For some reason, Sammy Sosa’s unnatural skin color changes come up again, and the Gnarcast agrees that sports would be better if athletes were allowed to use any drugs they want. Cheef realizes all his impressions sound like Scott Stapp when he tries to sound like Toby Keith Macho Man, who, in his estimation, only sounded the way he did because he never actually took a dump. Everyone makes fun of Cheef for not knowing Eminem lyrics. Bobstan Ross admits his first concert was NKOTB and he got a chubby when he met Joey McIntyre.

]]> 0 2612
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 28 – We Get Stood Up Again Tue, 27 Apr 2021 03:06:20 +0000 This week our guest cancels so we’re subjected to a terrible, awful, disgusting story from Boston Rob, along with plenty of stupidity from the Gnards, who are allowed to comment unencumbered via Zoom. Sponch shares a great chicken recipe. The show is only saved by fantastic Mail Sack submissions from Kenny Eggs and Cockley and a story from Gnard Leif about racking himself in front of his eight-year-old neighbor. The boys actually talk about mountain biking, discussing the longevity of Five Ten shoes and their Archer Components D1X wireless shifter demos.

]]> 0 2610
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 27 – Archer Components and Pathetic Mountain Bikers Fri, 16 Apr 2021 18:36:00 +0000 Rahstahn Bahb proves his worth again after booking two guests for this weeks podcast: Devin Carlson from Archer Components and Sarah Pruss from Pathetic Mountain Bikers.

Devin is the co-owner of Archer, which makes a wireless shifter that is compatible with any derailleur. Cheef is stoked on the product and can’t wait to learn bar spins with it on his trail bike. Devin was nice enough to let the boys demo two of the wireless shifters, which they’re already considering selling to buy Cameo recordings of Caitlyn Jenner promoting Gnar Couch.

Sarah started Pathetic Mountain Bikers and she and her admin team regularly remove comments from the Gnards, who frequently troll the group. She and the boys have a semi-serious conversation about the roles of admins in MTB groups and the ways each approach their respective groups as moderators.

Sponch practices his first Cameo recording with a horrible request from listener Moose Cuckle and Kenny Eggs suggests an outfit for Sponch for our upcoming Thongs and Dongs Calendar. Jimmy says about 13 words and secretly considers leaving all of us for a return to normalcy.

]]> 0 2605
Gear Probe: My New Shoelace Mon, 12 Apr 2021 16:29:04 +0000 Mountain bike technology has progressed rapidly over the past decade. Carbon has become stronger. Geometry changes have made bikes more capable. Wheels spin faster. Brakes stop us quicker. Helmets and pads make us safer. All of this leads to improved riding and a better mountain biking experience.

Having maxed out my credit cards on every possible upgrade to my bike and my gear–along with a really cool fanny pack–I noticed my improvement had stalled. I wondered if there was something else I could do. Maybe develop more skill by riding more? No. Maybe I could change my diet and lose a little weight. No. Both of these require planning and discipline, more or less making them impossible. What else could I do after purchasing every possible upgrade? Then, it dawned on me.

New shoelaces!

I could only afford one photo of my new shoelace after purchasing it. Here it is again.

I noticed that the shoelaces on my Five Ten Freeriders looked old and were probably a little bit on the heavy side. I realized that I was sacrificing energy with each rotation of the pedals with my OEM laces.

Generally speaking, shoelaces out of the factory aren’t all that light. This is one place the mountain bike shoe industrial complex has been cutting corners for years. Of course, we, the riders, pay for this in the end with reduced performance.

After searching the internet for the lightest shoelaces, I went with the Kevlar-infused carbon RaceLace from WasteMoney Components and Apparel. Each pair is only $3,200, which I couldn’t afford so I bought a single lace off Pinkbike’s Buy/Sell page for a more reasonable $1,100, a great price for minor improvement on STRAVA times I don’t get paid for.

Unfortunately, the only lace I could find was white, so it didn’t match the gray lace in my other shoe, but I noticed an immediate difference in my riding after installing the lace. It was .0005 grams lighter, making my left foot stroke much quicker than my right. My wife suggested this might be placebo effect after spending $1,100 on a shoestring, but I have my doubts about her theory.

After some STRAVA testing, I noticed I was .0000069% faster than my average times. I was also able to hit jumps more smoothly, though I did notice some dip in the air from my right foot due to the weight difference between the two laces. One of the best things about the RaceLace was telling people that I spent $1,100 on a string. Middle-aged Yeti and Pivot riders seemed particularly excited about it.

Another benefit of the RaceLace was decreased fatigue in my left leg, which was noticeably less weary than my right. I ended up eating one less energy gel than normal during my ride. This is proof of the benefits of my new shoelace.

In all, the experience with my new shoelace was great and I can’t wait to buy another one so I have a matching pair. I’d like to have a new pair ($3,200) so I’m saving up and considering selling my work laptop to fund the purchase. I’ve also started a GoFundMe page you can donate to.

If you’re looking for another way to improve your riding after maxing out your bike and gear upgrades, but don’t want to put in the time and effort to develop skill or get fit, new shoelaces are a great option.

]]> 0 2600
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 26 – James Perri Mon, 12 Apr 2021 03:13:43 +0000 Rippin’ rider, mechanic, and Rampage builder James Perri joins the Gnarcast this week and, luckily, he’s funnier than the Gnards so the podcast is halfway decent for the first time ever. James has ridden in races around the world and looks like Lawrence from the movie Office Space so he’s cool as shit. He and the boys barely talk about mountain biking, but touch on Formation, riding with pros, and proper riding apparel (jorts). James also auditions to be the Gnar Couch voiceover guy.

Bobstan Ross and Cheef tell stories about partying with the band Godsmack, while Jimmy remains nearly silent and Sponch does another dirty Google search. The boys rate a Gnard’s music submission and Sponch finds out there is a Facebook group about banging his mom. Luce Bajina makes his first audio appearance and interrupts the show repeatedly. Jimmy tells the story about how he pussed out on King Kong trail in Virgin.

]]> 0 2596
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 25 – Dirt Spray Apparel Wed, 07 Apr 2021 01:17:55 +0000 The boys were supposed to have Josh Bender and Randy Spangler on, but both of them wised up and decided to avoid the Gnards. So, in a last-minute fury of producing wizardry, Roston Bob reached out to Cheeks at Dirt Spray in Miami, who decided he’d defile his brand by being a guest. The boys get the low-down on MTB in Florida, which includes freeriding in 300-foot deep phosphorous mines and dirt roadies going OTB on jumps. The Gnardcast decides they’d ride in bikinis all season in order to get a Ferrari.

Angry Jimmy Sniper is calm and collected as he delivers his best baiku yet, honing in on Sponch’s protectile dysfunction. Cheef decides he wants to join the Boston mob when Roston Bob tells him he’ll get horse cock sandwiches. Cheef explains why he’s now wearing all white when he rides and the boys discuss Jewniforms with resident expert, Roston Bob. In all, the show is a 2/10.

]]> 0 2593
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 24 – Dustin Smart (Freeride is Smart) Tue, 23 Mar 2021 05:19:48 +0000 Just when you think the Gnarcast can’t get more derelict, the boys invite friend and low-key freeride shredder Dustin Smart onto the podcast. Dustin is an underrated rider who doesn’t give a shit about being an influencer because he’s too busy throwing front flips on Rampage lines and slamming beers after abusing his bike and the mountain. Dustin hates pedaling and style cats, but loves making sexual advances toward the podcast’s hosts. His insight into both mountain biking and life provide the show with a record number of drops. He’s our kinda Gnard.

Roston Bob becomes technically savvy and gets the drops working, but the podcast is temporarily halted when Dustin kicks the board’s power cord. Jimmy reads a great eBaiku. Sponch doesn’t know what a semicolon is. And Cheef claims he can do double backflips.

Also available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music/Audible, TuneIn/Alexa, Pandora, and iHeartRADIO.

]]> 0 2588
Gnar Couch Podcast Episode 23 – Mark Kugel (Masters National DH Champion) Fri, 12 Mar 2021 14:56:06 +0000 If ever there was someone who belongs on this podcast, it would be Mark Kugel. This rad 50-year-old rides like he’s 19, and after grabbing a bike for the first time ever at 39, has won two national downhill championships. Kugel also builds and has his own MTB coaching business, Kugel’s Gravity School. He rides for Revel bikes and Lenz Sport SkiBikes and reminds the boys a lot of Bender, which is exactly why they wanted him on. He and the boys talk about overcoming obstacles, coaching, mini-horses, and in a new twist, dwarf donkeys. It’s as dumb as you think it will be.

Sponch tells the boys he hates a popular mountain bike magazine. Roston Bob gives out hugs and high fives. Jimmy claims to be a one-minute man, and Cheef gets shit for starting a Facebook page highlighting himself. In all, the show is a 3 out of 10.

Also available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music/Audible, TuneIn/Alexa, Pandora, and iHeartRADIO.

]]> 0 2584
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 22 – Richard Finn, Jr. (Rampage Builder) Tue, 09 Mar 2021 23:19:48 +0000 Just like the Gnards, builders never get the credit they deserve. So, this week the boys tip their hats to Richard Finn, Jr., a California-based builder who has constructed Rampage lines for Antoine Bizet, Wil White, and Logan Binggeli. Richard has spent a lot of time moving dirt in the Southern Utah desert and has some great stories about building, Rampage, and stealing building materials from construction sites.

The Gnards break down their favorite hair bands. Mooseknuckle explains that being in the Marines means you’re going to get your nuts stomped after blowing in conch shells and making slip and slides. Luce Bagina is named Gnard of the Week. Cheef tries to convince Jimmy and Sponch to get Woodward passes, and Kindard’s Korner includes a wonderful story about a lot lizard washing her lady parts with gutter sludge before riding off on her Yeti.

Also available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music/Audible, TuneIn/Alexa, Pandora, and iHeartRADIO.

]]> 0 2581
Gnar Couch Podcast Incident 21 – Danny Mac Thu, 25 Feb 2021 17:37:36 +0000 One of the boys’ favorite riders, Virgin’s own Danny Mac, joins the podcast this week to talk about big sends in the desert and his recent crash, which resulted in six broken vertebrae and three broken ribs, all of which doctors say he’ll totally recover from. The Gnards also discuss rebounding from injuries, motivation, the territorial pissing matches between freeriders in Virgin, and fingering mountain bikes.

Despite Jimmy’s quiet nature, the boys determine he’s the angriest of the four, while Roston Bob tells a story about breaking a guy’s orbital bone at a KoRn concert. K.Y. Gnard returns with another Kinard’s Corner in which he tells the story about a waiter in Fargo hitting on him. An important question about what you should call getting high and masturbating leads to an intelligent discussion of the topic as the Gnards choose sides.

]]> 0 2576