MOUNT SLIPFACE, CO — Spectators at this weekend’s regional downhill mountain bike race were treated to a moment of true athletic triumph when 34-year-old Cat II racer, Chadley Crankson, claimed third place in the Men’s 30–39 division of the third-fastest category offered.
Standing proudly on the tallest podium, Crankson clutched his bronze medal in one hand and his iPhone in the other, livestreaming the experience to his 217 TikTok followers.
“This medal means everything,” Crankson said, still wheezing from what would be a track walk time in pro class. “People think Cat II is like middle school sports, but honestly, I feel like I’m knocking on the door of Red Bull sponsorship. I mean, if they’ve got room for Aaron Gwin, why not me?”
Crankson’s race preparation was, by his own admission, “grueling.” In the weeks leading up to the event, he claims to have watched two YouTube tutorials on cornering, bought a new set of gloves, and “kinda worked on my core and strength” by doing push-ups on one of those handlebar pushup things. His final race run placed him 32nd overall out of 56 total racers, but crucially, first in his category.
“I don’t even look at the overall results,” Crankson said. “Why would I? All I know is: in the Men’s Cat II, 30–39, on this exact hill, on this exact Sunday, I was the third best.”
Race organizers also expressed their joy with Crankson and others who podiumed. “Honestly, we keep subdividing the categories so more people can feel like winners, which makes us way more money,” said event director Penny Overcash. “It’s not about competition. It’s about getting more entry fees. The Cat II divisions are basically participation medals with numbers attached, but hey, the riders seem happy, and that’s what matters…along with the money for us. Mosty that..the money for us.”
Undeterred by cynicism, Crankson has already announced plans to mount his medal above the toilet in his apartment. His Instagram post, featuring a heavily filtered shot of him holding up the medal while biting his lip seductively, was captioned: ‘Third place, baby. Hard work pays off. #ProMindset #FastLife #Cat2Elite.’
He also made sure to thank his sponsors, which he claimed included Trek Bicycles, and Flow State Cycles, the local bike shop that has never given him a discount but does let him spend full price on everything bike-related.
“Without Trek engineering and the support of Flow State, none of this would be possible,” Crankson said. “I hope this podium proves I’m ready for that free water bottle or maybe even a shop T-shirt someday.”
When asked if he’d consider moving up to Cat I, Crankson shook his head solemnly. “I don’t want to skip steps. I want to nearly dominate Cat II for at least another decade. People will tell their kids about this podium someday. I’m not just racing bikes. I’m building a legacy.”
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