Posts By Chief of Staph
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20.1K2GNARTICLESKaren Family’s Hike Up Downhill Trail Ruined by Mountain Bikers
A pseudo-religious mother with a terrible haircut was incensed Friday evening when several mountain bikers nearly collided with her and her family...
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18.5KGNARTICLES
Biker has $15,000 in Spending Planned for $1,200 Stimulus Check
BOULDER, CO—A Boulder, Colorado mountain biker says he plans on purchasing about $15,000 worth of mountain bike gear with his $1,200 federal...
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9.3KGNARTICLES
CDC Asking Enduro Riders to Wear PPEs and Social Distance
WASHINGTON, DC—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is requesting all enduro racers wear 3M 6000 full-face respirators with half-shell helmets and...
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4.0KGNARTICLES
The Current Worst Person in the World
Before this guy stole a bike from a frontline worker during the middle of a pandemic, he had just attended a rave....
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4.3KGNARTICLES
Angry Mountain Biker Completes Grueling 24-Hour Boomer Rant
Sun Valley, ID—An infuriated Sun Valley mountain biker finished a grueling 24-hour Facebook rant Wednesday afternoon, shattering the previous records for number...
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3.4KGNARTICLES
Biker Almost Killed by Train
When I was a kid, I lived about two blocks away from some train tracks. My mom and all the other parents...
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3.8K2GNARTICLES
Satan Pleased With Social Distance Group Ride
Hawk Hill, UT—Hundreds of mountain bikers amassed south of Salt Lake City last weekend to participate in the first-ever Hawk Hill social...
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3.8KGEAR PROBE
Gear Probe—$20 X-Tiger Sunglasses
New gear has to do two things for me to justify buying it. First, it has to make me look cooler. Second,...
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3.5KGNARTICLES
After Buying Bikes, Mountain Bikers are too Poor to Hoard Toilet Paper
BELLINGHAM, WA—While the rest of the United States is hoarding toilet paper, one group of people remains unaffected—mountain bikers. Well known for...
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2.9KGNARTICLES
Jason Voorhees Recruiting MTB Camp Counselors
CRYSTAL LAKE, NJ—Crystal Lake Mountain Bike Camp will be hosting a camp counselor recruiting event and group night ride tonight at Crystal...
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