I’ve had a theory for a long time. You have to be psychotic or truly fearing for your life before you hit someone with a baseball bat.
Watch Inglorious Basterds or The Walking Dead and tell me you could honestly smack another human being with a bat. It’s one of the most deranged God-damned ways to assault any living thing. No, seriously, watch this shit and tell me you’re capable of hitting someone with a bat.
I literally quit watching The Walking Dead for a year after that scene so I’d probably hate Corey Cornutt and Savannah Grillot as much as any of these ass-dick bike thieves.
I’m not saying the bike thieves are victims here, but I am saying that everyone involved is an asshole, including the United States Navy for letting Savannah Grillot’s crazy ass enlist.
I just came up with a second theory. Corey looks like he just got the first whiff of one of Savannah’s farts. Maybe he’s pissed off enough to beat people with bats because the house always smells like the inside of Savannah’s ass. Maybe she’s pissed because he rags on her for it. Maybe the tension created from her gaseous existence is the reason this whole white trash scenario unfolded.
Maybe I’m full of shit and creating a human batting cage was the right thing to do. Probably not.
Here’s a better idea. If you don’t want people stealing bikes from your house, lock them up inside. If anyone comes in, shoot them like a normal human being, then go back to sniffing Savannah’s colon cologne and parking your truck on the lawn.
ADDENDUM: It appears Savanna was a Hooter’s girl at one point. The probability of her eating their food on a regular basis all but confirms the flatulence theory.
