Posts By Chief of Staph
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1.5KGNARTICLESProud DINK Bike Dads Post Back to School Photos of Bikes
DRAPER, UT—As pumpkin-spice mothers across the country post photos of their children smiling from the front porch on their first day of...
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2.4KASSIFIEDS
For Sale: Custom 1913 Downhill Mountain Bike, $6,900
Selling my vintage 1913 downhill mountain bike. This is a one-of-a-kind custom bike, hand-built by my Uncle Jeb before he died of...
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2.4KIDIOTORIAL
Ask the Idiotor – Eight Ways to Ensure Your Bike Gets Stolen
Dear Chief of Staph, I’ve noticed an increase in bike thefts over the past few years. It seems like having your bike...
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3.2KBMX
Despite Photo Evidence, Virtue Signaling Salt Lake City Man Denies Meth Head Stole his Bike
SALT LAKE CITY—A Salt Lake City man who often criticizes others for profiling when they post photos of meth heads on stolen...
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4.8KGNARTICLES
“$5 a Month for Strava is too Expensive,” Says Guy with $60,000 Sprinter Van and $11,000 Bike
BOZEMAN, MT—A surly Bozeman adventurer is among those refusing to pay $5 a month to access popular Strava features, calling the app’s...
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4.2KGNARTICLES
Road Biker Mistakes Eating Disorder for Performance Diet
BURLINGTON, IA—A Burlington road biker convinced he’s on a performance diet that includes chewing food and spitting it out to manage his...
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3.7KBMX
Scientists: Kyle is Punching Drywall in Search for Lost Fox Hat
FAYETTEVILLE, AR—A team of University of Arkansas scientists say they’ve finally discovered why Kyle has been punching holes in drywall. “It appears...
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2.3KGNARTICLES
Improved Trail Etiquette During Pandemic Upsetting Facebook Dicks
KAYSVILLE, UT—A Kaysville, Utah man and dozens of others across the country are upset they can’t make negative Facebook posts after uneventful...
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3.5KGNARTICLES
Mountain Bikers Shaving Weight by Riding Barefoot
MONTEREY, CA—Clipless pedals are out. Flats are in. In a trend sweeping the mountain bike world, riders of all disciplines are going...
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3.7KGNARTICLES
CDC Study Shows Mountain Biking Preferred Over COVID-19
A new study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suggests people prefer mountain biking over COVID-19. Dr. Anthony Fauci,...
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